On advice

I have found that when one seeks the advice of another person it takes one of three forms. Alice and Bob are the two generic characters in any worthwhile cryptography example, so I will use them here. For those not familiar with our friends, Alice traditionally tries to send a message to Bob. (More on Alice and Bob at Wikipedia)

Here, it is Alice asking for Bob’s advice. This will be amusing because I’m officially using generic names, but they carry obvious gender externalities. Keep this in mind the next time you are asked things like “Does this dress make me look fat?”

The three forms:

1. Alice genuinely wants Bob’s advice. Alice has some problem in which she feels Bob is either as or more qualified to handle. If he was less knowledgeable about the subject, Alice would find someone else to ask for advice. (Insert cryptographic reference: she could ask Carol or Charlie)
2. Alice has a problem, but already has a solution in the back of her mind. She asks Bob for advice, but really wants reassurance in making this decision. Alice wants Bob to reflect Alice’s already defined opinion back her to alleviate her doubts.
3. Alice has a problem, but doesn’t actually want to move closer to a resolution. Alice wants to share frustration with Bob, and simply rant about her situation. The problem may eventually be solved, but not now. To avoid talking to herself, Alice talks to Bob.

Let us analyze:

In situation one, Alice must admit that Bob is better suited to solve the problem. This can actually be pretty hard to do, depending on the circumstances. There’s a comfort associated with being in control of a situation. Inherently, you give that up when following the lead of another person. If asking for advice in this form, we must first ask ourselves a question. Would we follow the other person’s advice even if we don’t understand their reasoning?

Situation two is interesting because it may be difficult for Bob to know what the hidden solution is. If Bob doesn’t know what the ‘right’ answer is, he may unintentionally propose a different solution. This can be disastrous because Alice was simply seeking reassurance in the first place.

Lastly, everyone has been in situations where they just need to rant. One calls up a friend initially asking for an opinion or advice, but the conversation quickly turns one sided. Similarities to situation two can be drawn easily, because Alice really just wants support.

I find all three cases completely valid and reasonable. When being asked for advice, though, the first challenge is determining where one fits into the decision making process. Only then, can one appropriately respond.

What do you think?